Denise Soler Cox on the taboos we inherit, the silence around money, and why the people who get mad about your boundaries were the ones benefiting from you not having any.
Mi gente, this week’s episode might make you a little uncomfortable — and that’s exactly the point. I sat down with Denise Soler Cox, a cultural excavator, award-winning filmmaker, keynote speaker, and author of the new book What Will They Say? (Simon & Schuster). Denise spends her career going inside the cultures that shape how we lead, belong, and become who we are — and this conversation gets into some of the deepest cultural taboos we carry, especially around money.
The Documentary That Started It All
Ten years ago, Denise co-produced and co-directed Being Enye, one of the first films about what it’s like to be first-generation — caught between ni de aquí, ni de allá, the language gap, the feeling of never being “Latino enough.” She had the idea in 1996 but it took her 17 years to feel ready to make it. Once she committed, the film changed her life and sent her on what she calls an eight-year tour — 400-plus events, most in person.
“It took me 17 years to feel like I was Latina enough to try to make it.”
How Backstage Confessions Became a Book
The real story, Denise says, happened after she got off stage. Women would wait to talk to her — not for a selfie, but to share secrets they’d never told anyone. Sexual assault, domestic violence, painful mother-daughter relationships. The same handful of taboos kept surfacing, over and over, until she realized she needed to do something with the pattern. That became What Will They Say? — organized around the 10 taboos she heard most, using her own stories instead of the secrets shared with her in confidence.
Corporate Polish vs. Getting Real
We talked about the pressure to show up “PowerPoint approved” as a thought leader — polished, professional, buttoned-up. Both Denise and I have found the opposite to be true: the most transformational work comes from sharing the most vulnerable parts of our stories, not the most polished ones. For Jannese, that meant finally telling the real story behind her divorce. For Denise, it meant writing an entire chapter about her relationship with her mom — the one taboo she swore she wouldn’t touch when she started the book.
“I didn’t go into writing this book wanting to share about my relationship with my mom… but something else seemed to take over.”
The Two Conflicting Rules About Money
This is where the episode gets really personal finance–specific. Denise named something so many of us grew up with: you don’t talk about money when things are bad, but you also don’t talk about money when things are good. That silence has a cost — emotionally, it’s the validation so many ambitious Latinas never get from their parents. Financially, it shows up as empty investment accounts and a total lack of know-how, because the conversation simply never happened at the dinner table.
Thermal Equilibrium: The Cold Rooms in Our Families
Denise shared a metaphor from the end of her book: every family has “rooms” — some warm, where conversation flows easily, and some cold, frozen, locked under key. For most of our community, she says, the money conversation lives in one of the coldest, darkest rooms in the house. The work isn’t just talking about money — it’s warming up a room that’s been frozen for generations.
“White People Problems” and the Guilt of Leaving the Barrel
We got into the crabs-in-a-barrel mentality — how we’ll trust an old white financial advisor without question, but the second someone from our own community tries to teach us, they must be a scammer. Once you “make it out” — nicer neighborhood, nicer car, nicer school district — there’s a real grief in feeling separated from the tribe, and a fear of being accused of having “white people problems” just because you have money now.
“Rich isn’t inherently bad. There are rich people that are bad, poor people that are bad, middle class people that are bad. Rich is the goal.”
Becoming the Villain of the Family Story
Denise talked about what happens when you become the one who calls things out or does things differently — you risk becoming the black sheep, the one being talked about behind your back. She’s made peace with the fact that some relationships may not survive her growth, and that sharing the truth when everyone else is invested in a comfortable version of events is genuinely heartbreaking work, even when it’s necessary.
Boundaries, No Contact, and the Middle Ground
One of the most quotable moments of the episode: Denise’s version of a meme she loves — “the only people who get mad when you set boundaries are the ones who benefited from you not having any.” We also talked about the pendulum swing happening right now between enduring everything and going full no-contact, and why the willingness to have a hard conversation — even an uncomfortable, badly-worded one — is the foundation that actually moves things forward.
Gratitude Without Losing Your Ambition
Denise shared how a rough financial year taught her the real value of gratitude — but also warned against gratitude that numbs ambition instead of resetting it. The goal isn’t to convince yourself to want less. It’s staying grounded enough to keep going after more, without guilt.
Say It Out Loud: Pay Transparency
Denise wants more women comfortable saying their prices, their rates, and their income out loud. In the speaking world specifically, she’s seen wildly different rates among equally qualified women — and she’s watched men talk about money with total ease while women stay quiet and undercut themselves and each other. Both she and Jannese agree: transparency about what we charge and what we make is one of the fastest ways to collectively move the needle.
Why the Book Releases in English and Spanish, Same Day
What Will They Say? (¿Qué Dirán? in Spanish) drops August 18th — right before Hispanic Heritage Month — in both languages on the same day. Denise wanted parents who can’t fully engage in English to be part of the conversation too, so families can actually read it and talk about it together, not just the kids who grew up bilingual.
Key Takeaways
- Staying silent about money — good or bad — costs us real validation and real dollars.
- Some family topics stay frozen forever unless someone actively warms the room.
- People who get upset about your boundaries usually benefited from you not having any.
- Corporate spaces reward “polished” — but real impact comes from getting honest.
- Healing happens in community, not isolation — which is why platforms like this exist.
- Pay transparency is one of the fastest taboos to break, starting today.
- Ambition and gratitude aren’t opposites — you’re allowed to hold both.
Connect with Denise Soler Cox:
🌐 Website: https://denisesolercox.com/
📸 Instagram: @denisesolercox
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